JoAnne always walked through the door with a bright smile. Friendly, conversational, at first glance you’d think she was a very happy person. Notsomuch! Right after the consultation and the shampoo, like clockwork, poor JoAnne became her true self.
The external facade dimmed quickly once she got comfortable and felt she was no longer the main attraction. Truth was, she was a very angry, resentful person. The most bitterness seemed to be when she spoke of relatives, friends, and the expectations she had of them. Disappointed, thus angry, all those surrounding her life were clearly not measuring up to the unspoken requirements she had. How could they? Her ’round-about way of communicating to me clearly qued that everyone should be reading her mind and doing for her. My guess is she became bitter when she had fallen sick, and had too much time on her hands.
My thoughts- she loved the attention she received at first, with everyone coming to visit, and asking what they could do to make her more comfortable, etc. Once her illness became ‘old news’ and people had to get back to their lives, she felt ignored. She was no longer the main attraction. As months passed, she chose to become somewhat of a victim, making demands on her family and friends, coercing them into guilt if they didn’t come by, visit, or ‘fuss’ over her.
Being sick is not easy. Thankfully those around you are compassionate, and gather around in support. It is a blessing each and every time someone takes an hour or two out of their busy ‘American’ life, to come, sit still, engage in conversation, slowing themselves down enough to relate with quality. The initial routine visits are a given. Family and relatives showing they care as best they can. However, once it becomes an expectation and anger sets in, the visit becomes uncomfortable. Especially if the atmosphere of your room feels negative.
The answer is to understand that the clock is ticking for everyone. If it’s not demands at work, it is demands at home, or in the classroom, homework, driving lengthy periods of time to get somewhere, the cost of gas, finances, not enough time in the day to spend with our own children. We have the necessity of getting dinner on the table, I could go on and on. Bottom line, we are all TOO busy, and I don’t see the gerbil wheel stopping anytime soon. If someone needs us, we tend to want to be there…but once it becomes a demand, an expectation, a negative coercion, the game changes, and you have now become an obligatory burden. No matter what happens in your life, practice on having no expectations. It helps make a brighter tomorrow. With no expectations, you lighten your ‘heavy’ towards others, and anything that comes your way is beautiful!