Tag Archives: awareness

Why Do Doctor’s Not Know?

I felt miserable.  I was either overstressed, overwhelmed, felt pushed or Woman Sickpressure.  I felt like I was losing my mind.  Scents and smells became overwhelming.

If I was driving,  I  would think I was going crazy with my self talk.  Panic that I was behind the wheel and could just flip out and turn into someone.   Every once in a while I’d see my hands on the steering wheel and wonder why my mind saw an illusion of a 90 year old’s hands.

My ability to multi-task was literally gone.  I tried explaining it to my physicians,, it was if my adrenal glands were totally drained.  I had lost the ability to think FAST, and now, almost in slow motion, was struggling to even make decisions.  This, is what ‘they’ call ‘brain fog’.

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Compassion to Undying Love….

The first half of his life is a mystery.  We’ll never know what he experienced, or how he interpreted it.   The wounds, the hurts, the sadness…. loneliness.   Yet, we do know the second half of his life.  It was with US.IMG_4187

April Fools Day,  the road trip to meet him was long and tedious. Upon arrival, amidst his shaved body and sores on his skin, I saw into his transparant eyes.  He was a keeper. A deep soul. That boy named Duncan was to come home with us that very day.

Four years of life had gone by previous to our meeting.  We never knew what he had been through, nor will we.  Often I envisioned he was stuck in a cage for those years.  His habit was to have his head propped up on a wall, or he’d secure himself under the four legs of a chair, so he still had the sense of familiar four walls, invisible or not.  I suppose my interpretation could be wrong.  Nonetheless, someone had given him up, and he was mine to love, learn, and befriend.

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It Began with a Flu Shot.

shutterstock_181674146November, 2003.  The spontaneous decision to turn into the nearby clinic to grab a flu shot was mindless .  After all, I had gotten a flu shot many times before.  Isn’t that what all americans do?   Every doctor, every nurse, every minute clinic, you see flu shot stands at the state fair, you see them ready and willing to stab you with a quickie every where you turn.  It just seems like we are to get in line, like robots… with the expectation that we’ll hop on the bandwagon…..or is it more like sheep to the slaughter?

I was recovered from a mild cold, and didn’t worry much about running into the clinic near my salon, and ‘checking it off my to do list’.  They handed me the ‘standard’  paper to sign.  After a few ‘John Hancock’s” I had without thought signed my permission, and all recourses away.  If you read the fine print, you’re literally signing away your life.    15 minutes later, I was out, done.  On with my day.

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Love Starts Within

FullSizeRenderI have observed a lot of judgmentalism lately.

Facebook is one of the many public tools I see used to impose personal opinion on others.  It’s sad, since the term on Facebook… people that you see… are considered ‘friends’.  Those very ‘friends’ can sometimes be extremely judgmental with their own standpoint and opinion.

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You Never Really Know What’s Going On Inside….

IMG_2295I watch as Bo plays ball and tosses his toys like he’s two years old.   It defies logic, that he’s not going to be in our lives much longer.  He just turned 8 years young.  Bo still eats, chews on his boney, chases after loud motors, and aggressively tells motorcycles how he really feels.

When we take him out to play in the back yard, it’s as if he’s uncontrollably addicted.  True to his childhood characteristics, he is vocal, talking to his ball as he bosses it across the grass, shoving it with his nose to force it our way.  It’s a mixture of grumbling and half bark.  I’ve never seen him jump higher, run faster, or act younger.  This boy LOVES a ball.

Yet, in the quiet moments…those moments when he’s sleeping, or walking extremely slow behind me on a leash, I realize….it’s an invisible reality.  His tumors are growing, his peeing is getting weaker, and he’s having difficulty maneuvering in certain positions.  My boy has TCC (Transitional Cell Carcinoma).  This invisible disease is taking over his insides. Continue reading →

Looking Through the Door of Self Awareness

DoorHindsight is 20/20.  Looking back, we see clearly, all the mistakes we’ve made, with consequences to follow.  What seemed like the right thing at the time, changed our life forever.  Some good, some bad.  Some lessons learned, failures to admit, challenges we’ve conquered, and prices to pay.

Interesting how some of us jump through hoops to make rapid choices based on what other’s advise, some of us ‘feel’ our way through our changes and challenges.  Some of us walk right through the door of opportunity,  if it is opened, and some peek through the open door, never daring to walk through.   Then, there are those that see the door opening, and before the crack is even evident,  they slam the door shut.

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Know Where Your Money Is

moneyflyingWhen women speak of their family finances, I inevitably ask the question, “Who takes care of the finances in your household?”   I’m hoping they are familiar with the bills, how  much is owed, how they are paid, and are abreast of the entirety.  I am not looking for their dollar amount, I am merely hoping to heighten their awareness.   Nothing is worse than floating in the sea of financial oblivion. Continue reading →