Tag Archives: happiness

Why Do Doctor’s Not Know?

I felt miserable.  I was either overstressed, overwhelmed, felt pushed or Woman Sickpressure.  I felt like I was losing my mind.  Scents and smells became overwhelming.

If I was driving,  I  would think I was going crazy with my self talk.  Panic that I was behind the wheel and could just flip out and turn into someone.   Every once in a while I’d see my hands on the steering wheel and wonder why my mind saw an illusion of a 90 year old’s hands.

My ability to multi-task was literally gone.  I tried explaining it to my physicians,, it was if my adrenal glands were totally drained.  I had lost the ability to think FAST, and now, almost in slow motion, was struggling to even make decisions.  This, is what ‘they’ call ‘brain fog’.

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Compassion to Undying Love….

The first half of his life is a mystery.  We’ll never know what he experienced, or how he interpreted it.   The wounds, the hurts, the sadness…. loneliness.   Yet, we do know the second half of his life.  It was with US.IMG_4187

April Fools Day,  the road trip to meet him was long and tedious. Upon arrival, amidst his shaved body and sores on his skin, I saw into his transparant eyes.  He was a keeper. A deep soul. That boy named Duncan was to come home with us that very day.

Four years of life had gone by previous to our meeting.  We never knew what he had been through, nor will we.  Often I envisioned he was stuck in a cage for those years.  His habit was to have his head propped up on a wall, or he’d secure himself under the four legs of a chair, so he still had the sense of familiar four walls, invisible or not.  I suppose my interpretation could be wrong.  Nonetheless, someone had given him up, and he was mine to love, learn, and befriend.

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It Began with a Flu Shot.

shutterstock_181674146November, 2003.  The spontaneous decision to turn into the nearby clinic to grab a flu shot was mindless .  After all, I had gotten a flu shot many times before.  Isn’t that what all americans do?   Every doctor, every nurse, every minute clinic, you see flu shot stands at the state fair, you see them ready and willing to stab you with a quickie every where you turn.  It just seems like we are to get in line, like robots… with the expectation that we’ll hop on the bandwagon…..or is it more like sheep to the slaughter?

I was recovered from a mild cold, and didn’t worry much about running into the clinic near my salon, and ‘checking it off my to do list’.  They handed me the ‘standard’  paper to sign.  After a few ‘John Hancock’s” I had without thought signed my permission, and all recourses away.  If you read the fine print, you’re literally signing away your life.    15 minutes later, I was out, done.  On with my day.

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Love Starts Within

FullSizeRenderI have observed a lot of judgmentalism lately.

Facebook is one of the many public tools I see used to impose personal opinion on others.  It’s sad, since the term on Facebook… people that you see… are considered ‘friends’.  Those very ‘friends’ can sometimes be extremely judgmental with their own standpoint and opinion.

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Issues Women Deal With…Trust

 

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I’m doing a study…and as I write, things come up that are very intriguing and I frankly would love your opinions.  We all deal with things differently.  How do YOU deal with these things that I’ll be writing about?

For instance….

Women, how do you handle it when you have found out you’ve been deceived by your partner?  Is it something you can forgive and forget?  Does it eventually fade  off and you get over it?  Do you hold resentments?

Do you find yourself building blocks between you and your partner, especially when it comes to ability to be close?  Intimate?  I mean, once he’s really taught you that he is not trustworthy…whether it be he cheated, lies about his money, looking at things or doing things on the internet that is not acceptable, maybe you’ve found he’s not at work when he says he is?

Are you able to talk about it?  Does he get defensive?  Do you watch and observe until you have built your case enough that you are confident you must leave him?

What keeps you staying…when you find he’s done something terribly deceitful?  Is it that you are scared to be on your own?  Are you worried about money?  Children?  Once trust is broken, is there some method you use to ‘fix’ it?

These are things that I am curious about.  Matter of fact, from my own resources and observations, there are women that choose to stay, some choose revenge.  Some choose to become victims and lose themselves and their self esteem right down the sewer.

What do you do?

Karen

You Never Really Know What’s Going On Inside….

IMG_2295I watch as Bo plays ball and tosses his toys like he’s two years old.   It defies logic, that he’s not going to be in our lives much longer.  He just turned 8 years young.  Bo still eats, chews on his boney, chases after loud motors, and aggressively tells motorcycles how he really feels.

When we take him out to play in the back yard, it’s as if he’s uncontrollably addicted.  True to his childhood characteristics, he is vocal, talking to his ball as he bosses it across the grass, shoving it with his nose to force it our way.  It’s a mixture of grumbling and half bark.  I’ve never seen him jump higher, run faster, or act younger.  This boy LOVES a ball.

Yet, in the quiet moments…those moments when he’s sleeping, or walking extremely slow behind me on a leash, I realize….it’s an invisible reality.  His tumors are growing, his peeing is getting weaker, and he’s having difficulty maneuvering in certain positions.  My boy has TCC (Transitional Cell Carcinoma).  This invisible disease is taking over his insides. Continue reading

Free Spirit Moments

Bo is  cooperative, so willing to please, and extremely loving.  Great Scottish Terrier, and an Bo at Beachamazing best friend.  He is always willing to love, and be loved.  His nature is calm and tender.  Yet, he can be that ‘stubborn’ terrier when he wants to be!  Especially when a loud motor is going by on his walk….

Such a sweet spirited boy, he doesn’t balk at having to be leashed, even though we all know, both he and his ‘rescue’ brother, Duncan, would absolutely LOVE to run free!

Leash laws here in North Carolina are enforced, especially at the beach.  Many of them won’t allow you to bring your dogs on the sand at all, but fortunately, we’ve found a few, such as Topsail Beach, and Surf City.  We were blessed with a week at Surf City in August.  Jimmy and I rented a place that allows our four legged family members.  What a pleasant time of stunning weather, beautiful sunrises and sunsets.  Even better, were the quiet moments, listening to the waves rush in and out, the warm summer breeze, and our boys sitting at our feet, watching nature’s entertainment of seagulls and sand critters. Continue reading

In Awe

Falls LakeTaking the time to just ‘breathe’ and stop the amazing overkill of ‘busy’ is very difficult.  Especially as a woman.  Everywhere I look, there is something to DO.  The floor needs sweeping, the marks on the walls need cleaning, there is laundry,  the drive to work, the work day, the computer mis-hap, the checkbook needs balancing, bills to pay….. I really believe we have a never ending list of constant busy-ness.  I have to literally force myself to STOP …just so I can breathe in the moments we have remaining with our guys (the ‘guyz’)….

The “GUYZ” are Bo and Duncan.  They are SO dependent upon us…for everything.    They need us for dinner, to let them out to potty… they need us for getting the itchy place on their back.  Our loved ‘guyz’ need their ‘parents’.

What do we get back?  Pure love.  Unconditional, major, happy dance kind of love…especially when we ask them about going for a walk, or when we enter from having been gone.  Oh, and the MORNING love is amazing. Continue reading